Top Ten Paula Jones' Lawyers Excuses

    From the Home Office in Wahoo, Nebraska

    10. Got tired of being paid with cases of hairspray.

    9. We're not actually lawyers, just really big fans of "Ally McBeal."

    8. Bad idea to have Paula try on that glove from the O.J. trial.

    7. Jacoby pulled his weight, but Meyers sucked.

    6. We're pretty sure Bubba banged the judge's gavel, if you know what we mean.

    5. That smooth-talkin' hillbilly's got everyone hornswoggled.

    4. Forgot to cover up Paula's "Show me the money" tattoo.

    3. El Nino blew away dozens of crucial documents.

    2. Who can concentrate on all those dull legal papers when Jerry Springer is on?

    1. Frankly, we're not very good lawyers.

    As presented on the April 2, 1998 broadcast of the Late Show with David Letterman

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