Turning Thirty

Season: 3

Episode: 18

Production Code: AM-318

First Air Date: May 1, 2000

Writer: Jill Goldsmith & David E. Kelley

Director: Jeannot Szwarc

# of Times Richard said Bygones: 0

Special Guest Star:

James LeGros as Mark "The Closer" Albert

Guest Stars:

Cindy Ambuehl as Lorna Flood
Vasili Bogazianos as the D.A. Chase
Clyde Kusatsu as Dr. Okubo
Jennifer Holliday as Lisa Knowles
Harrison Page as Minister Mark Newman
Albert Hall as Judge Seymore Walsh
Jim Jansen as Harvey Shiplett
Bert Rosario as Arturo Sandoval
Jill Parker-Jones as Regina Flood
Geoffrey Wade as Dr. Kipperman
Greg Zerkle as Dr. Lutz
David Reivers as jury foreman
Amy Castle as young "Ally"
Eve Brenner as old "Ally"
Sy Smith as a singer
Vatrena King as a singer
Cynthia Calhoun as a singer

Synopsis:

Thirty for Ally is naturally an overly magnified state, like a brightly-lit cosmetics counter that makes every pore appear as the black hole. She’s reached the time of life to start blaming childhood adventures with Barbie for all your woes.

Is the whining justified or does being the same dress size at double the age revoke the "it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to" thing?

Certainly the forty and Heather Locklear comparisons would drive anyone to at least a less choppy haircut, but Ally’s plastics odyssey made about as much sense as Tom Cruise and an orgy. She needs lip injections almost as much as Angelina Jolie.

Dangerous politically incorrect territory: Single white female seeks all-knowing god-like guy with a dash of Brad Pitt yumminess.

Should the collection plate really have limitations like not using god as a crutch? Who ever would musicians have to thank at awards shows?

Even she’s able to slip into Gap Kids Ally is still craving youthful bliss right along with Mr. Kelley apparently. Ally gets wistful over street hockey! Like she’d know a Gretzky from a Messier.

How about that pubescent attention to breasts? Mark a.k.a. John’s right brain, took the case of a thinly veiled Anna Nicole Smith impersonation accused of smothering her geezer beau with her breasts. Her breasts mesmerize John. You don’t say? It’s sweeps on Fox?

Does this barrel scraping humor fit or is it only Ling and I annoyed with catering to the dumb stick population?

The one v.g. thing in this episode was the triumphant return of Lisa Nicole Carson. Her on-stage jostling with Elaine was pure visions of the real Supremes reunion tour.

Over all this was a zigzagging mish-mash that left this viewer uncertain as to whether I was watching Thirtysomething or Smackdown. Ugly no matter which way you turn.