Production Code: AM105
First Air Date: October 20, 1997
Writer: David E. Kelley
Director: Sandy Smolan
# of Times Richard said Bygones: 4Judge Boyle
Jennifer "Whipper" Cone
The Dancing Twins
Keene Curtis as Judge Johnson Hawk
There are just some days when you know things would go a lot smoother if you simply kept the drapes closed and pulled the covers up over your head. Welcome to Ally’s meltdown.
Ally stormed the beaches at, oh sorry, this was only a grocery store incident, but she did seem to be at war as she tripped another woman for a can of potato chips, getting herself arrested in the process. "Why would you enter into the throws of Ruffles if you have trouble with ridges," Ally to another customer. "I didn't mean for her to fall, I was only going for a stumble," Ally.
Ally got her mug shots taken & was charged with stealing contraceptive jelly. Billy represented her before Judge Boyle presided and as luck would have it, she at least remembered to pay for toothpaste at some point. Not that she came out unscathed, she was put on suspension. "Ally you can't just attack somebody over a snack treat that's not a Fishism, just common sense," Richard. "To me a Pringle shouldn't be a button pusher," Richard.
Back in other areas of the Twilight Zone, Elaine sold the face bra & may do an infomercial: The Mask, for women on the run. Kramer must be kicking himself for never having met her, man, what she could have done for the bro.
"Might be in the same room Ally but different planet," Richard as he and Billy defended Ally at her hearing to see if she is fit to be a lawyer. The board questioned Ally's mental fitness mentioning the chips, the eulogy, bumping into a man on the street & using dental records as her defense.
"You won't even go to bed with a man unless you story board it first," Renee to Ally. Hopeless romantic Ally explained to no life of her own Renee that she got the spermicide for Omar Sheriff, the guy from Funny Girl, the guy looking for her door. Ally buys lottery tickets to think what if, the same reason she bought the spermicide.
"Your honors, I'd like to apologize for Mr.Thomas' hostility as much as I constantly stress the need for civility, he continues to have reaction to witchhunts, particularly when they're so blatant," Richard of the seemingly Salem born law review board.
Wits and pieces from the hearing: Elaine said that Ally seemed on the verge of a nervous breakdown & she's 2/3 of a Rice Krispie, she's already snapped & crackled & she's close to a final pop. "Sometimes I just say things to make people believe I'm a wordsmith," Elaine's excuse, "Sometimes to stay centered you have to embellish." Elaine told Whipper that Ally is mentally unstable & she's the one who reported her to the bar. "Sometimes I'm tempted to become a street person, cut off from society but then I wouldn't get to wear my outfits," Ally. "It would be wiser for me to wish that you happen upon me doing groceries," Ally to the judge trying make her angry. Ally said everything she did had a context. "I am human, I am temperamental, I am guilty," Ally. "Tomorrow, I would just stand up & plead PMS," Elaine.
Ally grudgingly apologized to the board, Calista in a wonderful Golden Globe moment where you could sense the rusted wheels turning questioning whether their really are bats in her belfry. Whipper intervened, not wanting Ally punished for being a young pretty female, yea team! Billy said "Whatever virus you think she's got we would all be lucky to be infected a little," to the board for his closing, we all sighed and said of course that’s why she loves him. "God help us all," one of the judges as her suspension was lifted.
Ally thanked Billy with more than a little longing in her heart, then called her father to say hey and proves to all that she’s as normal as us neurotic humans can be. "I know I've got it great really, good job, good friends, loving family, total freedom & long bubble baths, what else could there be?"